Hello! We’re back from Jamaica! What a whirlwind of a week, but I’m feeling rested, relaxed and ready to rock.
Jamaica was unbelievably beautiful and we had a fab time. I’ve mentioned before that historically vacations were difficult for me in terms of recovery. I often felt out of control because I was less able to micro-manage my food and exercise, which left me with debilitating guilt and shame. My black and white, all or nothing attitude made traveling incredibly hard.
I can remember making deals with myself before a vacation. For example, before our honeymoon to Costa Rica, I promised myself I was not going to count calories. By the second day, I was so terrified of my potential imperfection that I paid extra wifi fees just to get online to track my intake for the rest of the trip. Not exactly what I had envisioned.
This vacation was different. Sure, the resort could have used a fresh coat of paint, and was infested with drunk Canadians (literally), but I found myself being more comfortable in my skin than ever before. As someone suffering from body consciousness, wearing a bikini all day every day can be a daunting task. However, on this trip I wore my bikini all day every day without even a second thought. I can honestly say that I feel pride in my body. It’s not perfect…but it’s my body! It’s the one that I need to take care of, so I better be nice to it!
In addition, the resort was an all inclusive, which meant most meals came in the form of a buffet. If you ever want to make someone with an eating disorder squirm (which I don’t recommend, btw), take her to a buffet. I used to feel sheer terror when it came to eating on vacation…then throw a buffet in the mix, where there is unlimited food with unknown nutrition stats…nightmare. However, this was different. Sure, I tried to stick to basics like grilled fish, veggies, and fruit, but there were also yummy treats like fried plantains, sweet biscuits, and bacon. Oh and frozen cocktails. Lots of frozen cocktails. No, I didn’t just go balls to the wall and eating crap all day every day, but I did eat and drink what I really wanted and felt no guilt.
All in all, I’m feeling refreshed and reminded of why recovery is so awesome. Without recovery, this vacation would have just been another sad memory of “what if?” Instead, this vacation will be a fantastic memory of fun times with my husband, loving my body, and…frozen cocktails.
Just in case I haven’t bombarded you all enough with all this ED recovery stuff (it is Eating Disorder Awareness Week, afterall!), I spotted this magazine faux pas in the airport:
Notice any glaring differences between the men’s and women’s version of the SAME magazine??? Why do boys get to gain weight and girls have to lose?! I challenge each and every one of you to find a women’s magazine that does not mention “get skinny”, “lose weight”, “get sexy” or something of the like on the cover. #NOTBUYINGIT.
That’s it for me!