Gooood Morning! What a weekend! Woo!
Let’s talk weekends, summer and recovery. This past weekend was super busy between Rachel’s Boston Bridal Shower, a surprise party for my aunt and uncle and Chris’ family reunion. By the time I hit the couch last night for some HBO, I was exhausted. No, I was something more than exhausted. I was a disaster. My anxiety had gone from a little elevated last week to full fledged crazy person and my body image was nearing absolute zero. There were a lot of factors leading up it: being off my schedule with too much free time, lots of events with lots of food, being around a lot of beautiful girls that happen to be my best friends, drinking too much champagne. The list goes on. If you’ve been reading F&S, you know that summer tends to be a difficult time for me, but I’ve been talking about how successful I’ve been this summer and how awesome I’ve been feeling. Well…real talk: it’s not all sunshine and lollipops. Sure, I’m much improved from past summers and I do not want to diminish my progress, but I think recovery ebbs and flows (although I do believe in true recovery), and right now I need to continue working on body image and mindfulness.
Chris caught me staring at pictures of myself yesterday and critiquing every inch of my body. It’s embarrassing when other people pick up on that, but also a good reminder that people love me even if a photo isn’t all that flattering. I think you’re only as recovered as you feel. So while some days I feel super recovered, some days I feel bummed about not being recovered enough. However, it all still rides on how you react to the feelings. You can act on the feelings by using destructive behaviors, or you can use strategies to help you get over the hump. Sometimes it’s a bummer to have call on old strategies, but knowing that they’re there for me can be really helpful.
This is the picture I was examining. First of all: it’s so cute. Second, I’m wearing black, so you can’t tell where I start and end. Isn’t that the point of wearing black?! OMG it sounds so crazy the next day.
Another thing I try to remember is mindfulness. I find myself doing what in the biz call “pre-freaking out”. For example, I’m going to Miami in a few weeks with 7 other super hot ladies. I’ve been losing my mind about being in pictures in my bikini with all the other girls and I’m not even in Florida yet. I have NO idea how things are going to pan out there, or how I’m going to feel or how the other girls are going to feel, for that matter. I’m planting the idea of anxiety and body consciousness in my brain to use when I’m laying by the pool. It’s basically ED-inception and there’s no time for that while I’m hanging with my friends celebrating our favorite bride! So, instead, I’m trying to think about right here, right now. I’m taking care of my body and treating it in a non-abusive way and trying to give myself some compliments even when it’s hard.
Could I have a better best friend?
Today, I’m going back to basics. I’m eating meals at meal times, staying busy with things that I enjoy, and not scrutinizing pictures that literally everyone else would think are adorable. And speaking of adorable pictures, here are some cuties from the weekend:
A few things: I was super uncomfortable in that green dress, which made me self-conscious the whole day. Not worth it. Also, I went a spin class this morning that Amanda (pictured above) taught. She kicked my ass. More on that tomorrow!
I’m off to do whatever I damn well please today (which does not include listening to ED). Have a fab day!